Fear and loathing on Planet Marsden
Rachel Marsden was probably Simon Fraser University’s most controversial student since it opened its doors in 1965. In 1997 she was at the center or a high-profile sexual harassment scandal at SFU that attracted national attention and earned her a great deal of bad press. In 1999—after she’d become entangled in another harassment controversy that only worsened public opinion of her—I asked her if she’d like to do a humourous interview about the lighter side being such a publicly reviled person. Rachel loved the results, describing it as “the most fun interview ever” on her now-defunct Angelfire web page. Enjoy.
All over SFU voices are rising, and upon thousands of lips lies the same burning question: “What’s the deal with that Rachel Marsden chick?"
Is she a victim? Possibly. A liar? Possibly. Underexposed? Definitely.
The other day I sat down with Rachel and asked all the questions nobody has had the guts to ask until now. Sit back, relax, and prepare to be spoon-fed the truth about Rachel Marsden!
* * *
So, after all of this negative publicity, do you have any trouble getting dates?
[laughs] Yeah, sure. Everybody seems to think I’m some kind of female sexual predator, and I prey on all these poor innocent men.... you know, I haven’t dated anyone in four years! And to an extent, that’s been my choice.... I’ve been asked out on a lot of dates, though.
Aha! So you’ve gained suitors because of the publicity?
Oh yes. Tons. A lot.
What’s their angle?
“Hi Rachel, I saw you in the paper today. Uh, I really liked what you were wearing. Uh, do ya maybe think we could meet for coffee and take it from there? Oh, by the way my name is Bob. Bye.” That kind of thing.... I even get guys calling up and saying, “If I wasn’t married with children I’d date you,” and stuff like that. [laughs]
So, these people are a little....
Yeah, a little kinda creepy.
How about unfriendly calls?
Well, there’s this individual, and I have no clue who it is or where they’re calling from, but they’re constantly calling me up, collect.
Oh yeah?
And it’s like, “You have a collect call from ‘YOU STUPID BITCH!’ To accept the charges, press 1.” And I’m thinking, I can get plenty of insults like that for free. Why does this individual think I’m going to start paying for abuse?
Hmmm. So you’re being harrassed by sound bites, basically.
Yeah. [laughs]
So how do these people get your number?
It’s in the book.
Oh. It’s not unlisted or anything?
It’s not unlisted. What the heck.
Do you get called often?
Um, it only really happens when something flares up in the news, like for instance when I’m on the cover of The Province. That brings a lot of nutballs out of the woodwork.
Speaking of the cover of The Province, what about Gillian Guess?
Ha! I knew this would come up. It’s funny, because Gillian Guess actually invited me over to her place!
Really?
[laughs] Yeah, she e-mailed me to let me know that someone had taken pictures off my web site, and had done some cut and paste jobs on them and posted them on porno sites.... apparently the same thing had happened to her, and she thought we should do something about it, rah rah, let’s become a team and fight the evil, you know? But what it comes down to is that if someone wants to take stuff off the Internet and do what they want with it, there really isn’t much you can do about it.... so basically my response was, if someone is doing that, I really hope I at least look half-decent—like, I hope they didn’t paste me onto some eighty year old or something, you know?
Yeah.
But in the interim, she invited me over! She said, “I don’t get out much, but come on over and....”
What? Hang out? Shoot the shit?
[laughs] Yeah, pretty much. I thought it was a bit surreal.
The pictures on your webpage have earned you a lot of detractors.
Yes.
They’re provocative, a bit racy...
Oh god. [laughs] I’ve never thought that.
Really? Do you have any photos of yourself that you consider racy?
No.
So, Internet hoaxes aside, there are no legitimate nude Rachel photos?
Well, I have some topless photos with very strategically placed shadows, but they’re for cosmetics ads. They’re very tastefully done.
Aha! I knew there had to be something! But those aren’t out anywhere?
I’m not putting those on my website, no way.
Racy? Moi? Surely you jest!
So what are your biggest beefs?
You know, I don’t have a lot to complain about in general. But.... people who don’t pay attention while driving. Like ‘baby on board’ drivers. They are the absolute worst. They’d may as well put a sign back there that says “Awful driver. Watch out for me.”
Hmmm.
And people who complain about my ’78 Chevy Caprice Classic. People who do not appreciate the value of that vehicle.
Have you ever had road rage?
No, never. [reconsidering] Well.... I don’t know.
How about road miff?
Oh, I road miff, yeah. I’ve experienced road miff.
Would you like it if people drove better, but slandered you more? Would that be a viable trade-off?
No. I could always take the bus.
Oh.
* * *
There you have it! Farewell, and drive defensively! •
Originally published in The Peak, July 19 1999. Gillian Guess read this piece and sent The Peak a letter disputing Rachel’s version of events—in retrospect, I regret not interviewing her also.
In the years since this interview, Rachel has remained a magnet for scandal and made a name for herself as a controversial conservative commentator, described by Salon.com as “Fox’s Ann Coulter 2.0.” For the latest poop on her career check her personal web site.
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